Where Surrender Takes You
When I woke up this morning, I knew it was the day to launch Jamaica. The last thing I remember thinking before I fell asleep last night was of letting go. The feeling you get right before you submit entirely to the empty, the unknown, the infinite. Literally, I suppose this makes sense as I was falling asleep. However, metaphorically? It was my conscious desire to release myself from the bonds of expectation, desire, anticipation and the need to control. I'd come to this place of submission like I usually do, on my knees. Feeling down, and overwhelmed by the weight of my misery I allowed myself to rest. The only other time I felt so free was the time I jumped feet-first into the Caribbean.
The first time I set foot on the island, I knew I was home. I could have slow wined with ma Jamaica til de sun cum up. I never got enough of it and the moment I turned my back to leave, I missed her and planned my next return. I also knew that I wanted to bring everyone I knew to this island so I could show them how to love better. It was like the clear blue water provided a portal straight to my Self and when I give my skin over to the waves, I recover all the things I'd lost or forgotten. Jamaica taught me how to heal myself. And given the opportunity, she could do the same for others.
After my most recent spiritual retreat, I postponed announcing Jamaica because it didn't feel ready yet. There were pieces of the puzzle that refused to come together and I knew my forcing it was counterintuitive. I had to wait. I silently wept as my media "memories" flooded my mind with images of her. Nostalgia is not a deep enough ocean for the blue depths I felt. Then I woke up.
Wih absolute clarity and effortlessness, I pulled it together and the details came without end. I was there. I was plugged into the spirit of the moment I was meant to birth. I wrote out the itinerary, I designed the flyer for publicity, I created the splash page on my website, I calculated costs and made timelines, I was ready.
That was how it had to happen. That was what "it" was waiting for; my submission. My letting go of timelines deadlines and my own selfish desires. God wanted to use me and I was getting in the way of Us. I reminded myself to remember myself and in that I arrived in the present moment and I was here. Ready, but patient. Full, because of my empty.