Non-Negotiables
A few weeks ago I was talking to a friend/coworker of mine about kidney transplants. She was saying how amazing the swap projects that have been popping up are. It is a chain of donation where if you know someone who needs a kidney you can donate on their behalf so that they receive a match from someone else. I was saying how I thought the work was commendable, but for me I would not be willing to accept an organ transplant. My reasons are simple, for me it would feel completely wrong for to have something foreign in my body. I say this, my body operates in a certain way on a certain wavelength and bringing something foreign in (or taking something out) disturbs the entire system. Hopefully I will never be in that position to make that decision, but the idea of it feels so completely invasive to me that I am uncomfortable even considering it in emergency situations. A few minutes ago I was on the phone with Jewels and we were talking about mommyhood. Let me say that Jewels is the ultimate mommy and even though I had my little epiphany of needing to be a working mom, I can still assure you that when it comes to being a mom there is no one (other than my own mother) that I look to more than Jewels. We discussed a lot, from education, to toys, to labor and delivery.
Sidebar--> as you can see this post is about those things that I am not willing to negotiate on a lot of these things. AKA, all of these things. I realize that life throws curve balls but by and large, I am not willing to bend on these. At least from where I stand right now.
I shared with her that I would be severely thrown if I had to ever get a c-section. First of all, I do not take medicine. I don't pop advil if I have a headache, nor do I take midol for cramps, I don't even like the idea of birth control with hormones. I know I can tend to get very "other worldly" when it comes to how I live my life, but I truly believe that I have the power to heal myself naturally without the use of drugs and such. Not to say that I don't believe in doctors and the medical field because of course they are necessary but not to the extent that we use them in American society. We're too reliant on doctors telling us whats wrong (and accepting their truth above our own) and way too dependent on drugs. I don't do drugs. I had to after the accident and I hated it. Even when I got my wisdom teeth pulled, I took my medicine for one day and after that I took myself off. I don't like being out of touch with my body and that's what drugs does. I cannot imagine having to take drugs to have my child, nor can I imagine being absent in any way for the birth of my child. I want to be fully present and I want to be the first person to hold my son or daughter. I have known that ever since I learned about the phenomenon of ducks. They know who their mother is because she is the first person they see and so much (biologically) happens in the first moments of the birthing process that I am refusing to make a decision that would alter that moment. I suppose that I can be a bit short sighted in stubbornly thinking that I can will myself a healthy L&D but the truth is that something may go wrong and I may have to have a c-section...will I be okay with that? No. I am telling you that right now.
Last night I was watching My Fair Wedding and thinking about that whole process. I still am adamant about not having a huge grand wedding, but I love all the bridesmaid activities. I want a tea (with fascinators) and a bachelorette party with my girls. I want a reception with dancing and good food and favors and decor. I just don't want a wedding. At least not one that is larger than 4 people. I literally want me and my husband and the water and God. Just us.
I think the thing that it boils down to is that the people who come into my life (friend or partner) will have to accept the way that I live my life. I am highly guided by my intuition and what feels right. I believe in spirits and energy and attraction of things. I believe we can will things into (or out of) our lives depending on the energy we dedicate to it. I believe in family and love and I know that I can be very idealistic but I do not apologize for it anymore. I want to travel the world with my children and husband. I want to give them an education that is bigger than books and I do not want them to be slaves to technology, I want them to understand the power of human connection.
Those are things I am unwilling to compromise on. The way I live my life and my truths. How ever would I compromise if my husband desperately wanted a huge wedding or if I had to have an epidural or worse yet a c-section? I suppose I would deal with it at that time...but I refuse to dedicate any energy to what I don't want. *shrug* just me.
I suppose in the same bullish way I made my masters (& doctorate) happen, and this cross country move happen and many many other things that should/would/could have been impossible or at least very very difficult...I just didn't accept them not happening. It took a lot of help (a LOT) and I am not opposed to help. I am, however, opposed to giving up or giving in.