Allow Me To Reintroduce Myself
I recently referred to myself as a teacher and metaphysician and as soon as I did my whole body felt a chill. Who in the hell had I become? And what in the world is a metaphysician?
In 2008 I was suffering from depression. I was working a job I hated, I was going through a very rough time with my biological father and my then roommate and best friend had just kicked me out over text message. I wanted to die. Every day I woke up, I did so in sad realization that I had to endure this pain another day. The only good thing I could see about living was that, my parents couldn’t afford to throw me a funeral. So I pressed on. Miserable.
In time, with the help of my step-dad and a public library card, I started to climb out of the dark and twisty place. I started with Eckert Tolle and began to appreciate the power of accepting the present moment and the reverence for right now. Then, I read Eat Pray Love for the first time and it did something to me. It showed me how personal vulnerability could help others. I wanted to do what Liz Gilbert did for me, forever and ever ad infinitum.
While I was in my counseling masters program, I discovered I was an empath. There was something so special between my clients and I, it wasn’t just that I was reflecting and presenting unconditional positive regard, No—I could feel what they felt and I could speak directly to their heart. I didn’t know what a gift this wa until I started processing it with a friend who was very into holistic healing and metaphysical energy work. She taught me how to begin to ascertain whose energy was whose and even begin working on creating energetic boundaries.
This work continued in my doctoral program. I leaned on two professors, first Terri and then Zachary who would change me forever in my practice. Terri taught me reverence for ritual and made me ask bigger questions than the ones I had. She pushed me to see the interconnectedness of all things and encouraged a voracious appetite for literature. READ! Learn what other people are saying about the thing you’re interested in. She introduced to me a sort of spiritual rigor that I still practice today.
And then there was Zachary Green. My professor, mentor, father figure who Saw me immediately and had zero tolerance for me hiding out in mediocrity. I was a mostly A student all my life and even when I earned an A from him, he challenged me that it was passing on a technicality. I had done the work but I was nowhere near unleashing my own potential. He called me out. Over. And over again. Pushing me but also holding me when I needed it most.
When I considered my position, unemployed and at an impasse with my career, nerves threaten. But there is something stronger that I feel, and that is free.
You want to know what I’m going to do now?
- teach people how to calm their minds, find peace, and cultivate joy
- provide energy readings to help facilitate the process of self discovery
- coaching services for creatives and clients in transition who are looking to incorporate more Soul into their work
- speaking engagements where I marry research with somatic insight and limbic intelligence
I make people feel good. I help people feel at peace within their own being. I tried to do that within the confines of counseling but I was too stifled. I tried to do that in higher education but The Masters Tools will never dismantle the Masters house. The culture of higher education is oppressive to marginalized populations. I got tired of being part of the problem when I saw so many around me working against change.
I look at higher education and see a plantation. I see a place where the vast majority of people in power don’t look like me. I see a place full of polite bigotry where words like professionalism and strategic vision hide in them coded ways of being that are foreign to me. I dealt with prejudices because of my academic discipline as if one PhD is more valuable than the other. I had people try to tell me what the quote real world is like as if I were too young to see for myelf. I was always too young too black and TOO OUTSPOKEN. I never could just shut up and “be a good soldier” which is what my former boss once asked of me. She clearly didn't know who I was. A PhD holder is not a technician.
I see spaces where white guilt makes no room for black pain. And the worst part, was I saw none of it getting better anytime soon. So here I am now. With my various degrees propped up against the wall on the floor of my living room. No office to speak of, and no reason for anyone to call me Doctor. And yet, I’ve never felt more like an educator. You think you can silence me by taking away one job? The ocean never taught me how to swim it was a lesson in survival I gave to myself.
When I’m in front of an audience, I’m plugged in. I’m doing the thing I was meant to do, connect. It feels a bit like being in trance. I will dive back into my research, doing lectures and teaching what Ive learned to anyone who wants to be I dialogue with me. I will continue doing readings for people to give me opportunities to practice being a vessel for spiritual wisdom. Learning how to interpret messages a Medium has been my hardest challenge to date and still everything comes back to trusting myself. Listening with my skin. Interpreting with my heart. The academy didn’t make me so the academy has no say on when I go away.
The more I put out there, the more opportunities to practice my craft will arise. I just need to keep doing the work. Accepting that I am a counselor. I am an authority on leadership and group dynamics. And I am also an energy worker and metaphysician. I know every part of my journey informs my work and how I am able to help people. I know I couldn’t have done this without every trial and obstacle that challenged me along the way. Mostly, though, I know that now I’ve accepted all of me—I am unstoppable. I am undeniable. I am going to change the world and I’m going to start with the radical task of loving myself without condition.
I love myself at 300lbs.
I love myself without a salary or benefits
I love myself without make up or wigs.
I love myself whether no one ever calls me doctor again.
I love myself single.
I love myself for wanting love.
I love myself for posting unedited videos.
I love myself for doing what I can as I work through the things I do not talk about.
That’s my secret. God made me without error or pause. I am meant to be just as I am. Hello, my name is Jessica and you cannot call me by another name because I so fully inhabit my own.
MY NAME IS JESSICA JAMESE WILLIAMS. I AM AN ENERGY WORKER WHO IS PRIMARILY HEALING MYSELF. I AM ALLOWING THE WORLD TO WITNESS MY IMPERFECT PROCESS. I AM STRONG ON MOST DAYS AND I AM WEAK ON OTHERS, STILL EVERYDAY I AM TRYING. I HEAL THROUGH MY ART, AND THIS IS JUST ONE MEDIUM. IF I CREATE SOMETHING THAT MOVES YOU, SHOW LOVE: