My younger sisters are the coolest humans in the world in my totally unbiased opinion. My youngest sister, however, it's like looking back in time because she is so much like me. So much herself, but so much like me as well. She and I are 17 years apart so really, it's a testament to genetics more than anything, I think. I was in the midst of another "day" yesterday. I couldn't seem to shake the funk that had been clouding my experience of life for the three days prior. It was like I was stuck. I'd been working on some things for work when I looked down and noticed it was 11:11. I did my usual and made a wish and took a screenshot of the time. I seriously have tons of 11:11 screenshots in my phone to remind me of all the wishes I've made. So I took it and decided to send it to my sister because she is on my phone background.
"11:11," I told her, "make a wish!" She asked me what I wished for and I told her a good day. And she said she hoped I had one. Not long after I received a comment on yesterday's post from a reader, Jay, she wrote:
"I have a quote on my vision board, every time things don't go as planned I remind myself that, " You deserve your dreams". This quote was written by you. You inspire me..."
I had this overwhelming sensation in my body and I realized I'd forgotten to say Thank You, in general. I had been neglecting my gratitude ritual and subsequently "missing it." Feeling my most down and alone, the ability to connect was not lost it simply came in another form. I had to remind myself I do not have to always be strong. In fact, one of my favorite lessons as a writer as a woman as a human is from Liz Gilbert and its that there is beauty in a breakdown.
I could feel the fog lifting. I wished I had better words to say to Jay than "Thank You" but they are two of the most powerful words I know. And I really do thank her because in the midst of my sadness, I'd forgotten that. The things that I was upset about didn't hold the same weight anymore. And maybe because in gratitude there is also an element forgiveness. Because when you are thankful for what IS, you automatically forgive what is NOT. That is powerful. It allowed me to say to him, Thank You for your silence because it allowed me to hear the quietest parts of myself. THAT was powerful. It was a different story. The place I'd been trying to reach for days months and a year.
So what does this have to do with my sister? Well when she was maybe three or four years old and a little indigo child (look that up), she told us that we should tell us what we wanted because God answered her prayers. It still makes me weepy. She's such an amazing being. So, I feel like I had a good day because my sister prayed for me. She wished it for me and as there are no magic genies, it could have only been granted by one source. The Source.
I am so blessed. I don't want to forget that, but there are times when I will. Jay understood that. And thank you for allowing me to be so imperfect. I will be as imperfect as possible for you today, haha! But seriously. There is freedom and peace in knowing that your sweet spot is one you can only get into when you're naked honest and that is rarely near perfection. Also, when you forget, say thank you. There is elixir in those words I swear. The best lesson Maya ever gave Oprah and Oprah ever gave me was to say thank you. Lastly, if you have yourself a Kelly Christine, someone who Knows, ask them to pray for you. If you don't believe in prayer, ask them to set an intention for you. Ask them to think good thoughts for you. It's a concrete way to ask for something much bigger than that moment.
Today will be a good day. It really has no other choice. I'm already in love with it. I'm thankful I woke up feeling rested. I'm thankful I woke up without pain in my shoulder. I'm thankful I woke up. It means there is still work to be done that only I can do. So I am thankful I can still be of use to the world. Ashe.