/home/wpcom/public_html/wp-content/blogs.dir/44d/3664196/files/2014/12/img_4524.jpgThe only thing I've ever wanted to be was free. I wish I could say in love. I wish I could say a doctor. Anything easier than freedom. Maybe that's why I wanna run so badly. Try and escape my own mind or maybe my own boundaries. Something he said...its about pushing yourself further than you ever imagined you could go. I couldn't erase it from my memory. Every job feels like chains. Tenure. Chains. Committees. Chains. Even with writing...I have to fight for attention then try to stay relevant. But all I really want is to be free. I wish I could just play guitar. Travel through France, live on cheese and baguettes. Get drunk on wine when someone thought my smile was pretty. Forget what it means to be me and learn it all over again. I've got such a restless heart. Maybe that's why I wanna dance so badly. Release my spirit through movement. Twist and curve my body like the mountain roads I long to wander. Become the adventure I can't seem to get to. Something it said...and who would you take on all your travels? Not a single soul, just me and my hat. Will I ever love someone enough to want to stay? Will I ever love someone enough to bring them with me? I kind of like the idea of being missed. Miss me and hold me like you're afraid I might run again soon. Make it hard for me to leave, but always let me. All I've ever really wanted was to be free. Maybe the wind wants company. I'm such a good guest, I hardly cause any trouble. I'll drink from the stream and bathe in the moonbeams. And I'll sing in perfect harmony with the silent roar of nature. Some nights I'll grow lonely and rub my thigh like he did. I'll grow fearful I've forgotten his touch. I'll breathe in deep to find his scent in the air. It won't be there and I'll cry. I'll want to tell Jennie how it hurts and ask her if I was crazy for running? I'll want to call home and just hear my mama's voice. Ask her if I'm gonna be okay. I hold so tightly to the ones that hold me. Lord, how am I ever gonna be free?

Day2DayJess J.4 Comments