In need of a Do Nothing

Maybe this will sound strange, maybe it won't. But I so miss being touched. And before your mind wonders "there" let me stop you, this is not about sex. I miss feeling loved through physical touch (hugs, cuddles, etc.)  I guess I never really realized what an affectionate group of friends I have but we have all (at one time or another) climbed in my bed to talk, embraced, said 'I love you' with the ease of an inhale, and disregarded personal space. Even auxiliary friends...the first time I met BFFT's girlfriend I was in a towel and hugged her anyway. I saw her breasts later that night. That sounds bad.

It just goes to show that I have very blurry boundaries. Once someone is in, they are all the way in. I think that's why I thought I had a crush. I have definitely solidified that I don't. But I found myself wanting to be closer and later realized that its just because that's how I am and that's how I communicate love, platonic or otherwise.

So I've been missing my best friends. Jewels and I had a midday marathon conversation until I got off feeling bad for taking mommy away from Noah bear. I video chatted with Tre and it really made all the difference to actually see her. I told my Person how much I missed her and wished she were closer so we could curl up and do nothing. We'd probably be watching things that would make us cry, we've been emo lately. I can't even tell you how proud I am of Ken. She has a wonderful new job that she loves, and is promising for her future. And it fits her so well I can't even make sense of it. Why didn't this come sooner? Well...because it didn't. But I'm happy for her and I wanna hug her and say I love you but for now the latter will have to suffice.

Besides the touch...its also nice to know your place with people. Where you fall in their lives. Whether they're in the party or the pew (at your wedding).  Even though I still don't want a bridal party, could you imagine how big it would have to be if I did? Ken, Jennie, Tre, Ty, Jewels, J, Trin, Nicole, Naia and Ne? Um that's the most. But they all are so important to me. And at any given time in my life I need them, specifically.  Is it normal to be so crazy for your friends?

I guess even though here I have friends to go out with and have dinner with and drinks...all I really want is a do nothing friend. Who gives really good hugs.