Dull|Shine: the difference between dust and diamonds
There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.
At different points in my life different parts of this very famous quote from Marianne Williamson have come to be particularly poignant. Today its this pair of sentences. It dawned on me today that I was dulling myself. The thought came after reflecting on my past relationship. I was talking to Ken and she and her boyfriend are on the cusp of an engagement; looking at rings, "we"ing all over the place, etc. She mentioned that he is far more flashy than he is and I smiled and thought about what I said I wanted not long ago. I was dating someone who, realistically would not be able to buy the perfect D-class Tiffany diamond ring I always thought I would wear. I love green amethysts and so I told him that that's what I wanted. I convinced myself that I would be happy with that because it truly is a beautiful stone but I realize now that I would have been settling. That isn't to bash him...that's a me thing. You can't expect people to rise to the occasion if you don't provide the opportunity for them to.
That is not the only example, but that is the one that sparked a series of thoughts; thoughts about how in my concern of lack I was dull. I like to think that its something like putting a sheet over the sun though, you can't hide shine for long. I think back to the day I pulled cards with Nama, I asked why I was coming to San Diego and I pulled The Joyous. My energy drew that card and my energy felt that SD would be my time to find joy...light. Last night I went on a holiday harbor cruise with my school. I was talking to Mo, who is in the cohort above mine, and she asked if I was dating or how that was going in SD. I told her dating was a mute point here, and she was shocked. Then when I think about it, I was too. I feel as though I have been shining, and I know I have because I can look at the life around me and see all the ways life has become brilliant. Life is not about lack now, it is about prosperity and abundance. Now...to keep it.
I wanted him to be great(er) so I tried to match him where he was, the thing is I'd already been there and I was doing us both a disservice. My professor said something to me that stayed with me, "oneness is not about fusion," being one with someone is not about you and them as one being, it is about you being you and him or her being him or her yet being able to balance both in one space. When I say balance I do not mean equal sums, I mean holding of two things in whatever equilibrium means stasis but we are in constant flux. We need someone to dance with, dance in the way that the trees do with the breeze. Dance in the way that water does over the earth.
When you shine, as you are meant to when you are manifesting the glory of God that resides within us (om namah Shivaya) we attract others who are doing the same thing. We attract others who want to do the same thing. We love the things that we understand, the things and people that make sense to us. When we shine our understanding comes from within and its often inexplicable because we do not have words to accurately describe the divine. We cannot agree on what love is because love is divine. When we are shining we say to the world, "It is okay to be brilliant," and the brighter we shine the more horizon we touch, the more we illuminate, the more we give life to. I cannot ever dull myself again.
I am not responsible for the peace/prosperity/pleasure of others. Owning that has given me so much rest. We are all connected, which is why when I shine others feel compelled to do the same. The truths that rest in the universe of me may not make sense in the you-niverse of you but the thing is you matter to me and I to you and we all matter to God. Thank you for creating me so perfectly. Thank you for your unconditional love. Thank you for the various ways I feel your presence in my life. Thank you for shining through me.